Poetry

So, I thought in the two weeks that I had between school ending and leaving Colorado I would have time to write a couple blog posts, but so far that has not happened. Sad smile

Today while sorting through things I came across my notebook of poems. I haven’t written in it for years. Hopefully in the future I’ll have time to do some more writing and drawing again. It makes me sad when I realize how busy my life has become and how many things I’ve pushed aside. Any, in looking through my poems I decided I should share some on my blog. I wish I would have dates of when I wrote them, but I didn’t think that far when I was writing them. They are far from perfect, but are written from the heart and may give you a window into my soul; or at least into some of the things that formed me into who I am today, considering they are several years old.

I thought I would start by sharing the most recent one in my notebook. I don’t have a title so I thought maybe y’all would like to give me some ideas. Smile

So often I am afraid

Of what the future holds

I’m not sure who I am,

Or what I want to be.

You may think

I’m confident,

But deep inside

I’m quaking.

Sometimes it seems

No one understands me–

So I keep it,

Bottled up inside.

On reading over it today it brought tears to my eyes. I feel like I have grown since I wrote this poem, but the feelings still aren’t real far away. I have definitely come to know more about who I am and what I want to be. I feel like over the past few months I have come to see myself in a new light. (Hopefully a blog post coming on that later.) And I have been working at not just bottling everything up inside. My blog has been a definite help in this line. Thanks to all of my faithful supporters! Thanks for your prayers and for encouraging me to share in person as well as through my blog.

I thought maybe “Bottled Up” for a title? What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

"If We’re Honest"

After my last blog post I wondered if I really should have written it. In my weak humanness I was afraid of what people would think. I mean so many people are going through so much tougher stuff than me. They probably think my problems are quite pale in comparison with theirs. I wanted people to read it and at the same time I didn’t want them to read it. A selfish part of me wanted them to read it and have sympathy for me. Another part of me didn’t want people reading it, because I didn’t want them to treat me differently. And so the argument went back and forth in my head. Another part of me knew that it was something I needed to do so I can move forward with life.

Some of you may wonder how in the world can I “spill my guts” on the internet. Other’s may think I enjoy doing so. For years I have used writing as an emotional outlet. Writing things down and getting my thoughts organized always helps me put my problems into perspective. In the last year I’ve decided to move beyond my journal and share my thoughts on my blog. I’ve been very encouraged by reading others’ blogs and decided that possibly sharing my story could be an encouragement to others. And I have found that it encourages growth in my life.

One of my favorite songs is “If We’re Honest” by Francesca Battistelli. It talks about how we need to admit our brokenness before we can find healing. This is so true! The part about building walls also speaks to me, because I have been there building those walls.  I love the thought of being honest not only with God, but also with each other.

“If We’re Honest”

Truth is harder than a lie
The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I’m a mess and so are you
We’ve built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do
Bring your brokenness, and I’ll bring mine
‘Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy’s waiting on the other side
If we’re honest
If we’re honest
Don’t pretend to be something that you’re not
Living life afraid of getting caught
There is freedom found when we lay
Our secrets down at the cross, at the cross
So bring your brokenness, and I’ll bring mine
‘Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy’s waiting on the other side
If we’re honest
If we’re honest
It would change our lives
It would set us free
It’s what we need to be
So bring your brokenness and I’ll bring mine
‘Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy’s waiting on the other side
If we’re honest
If we’re honest
If we’re honest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDcTvtuuVU8

026

Shopping TRIP

Have you ever just felt like lying on the floor of a store and not getting up? Well, let me tell you about my last shopping trip. My sister and I were shopping in TJ Maxx and I was trying to figure out where the fitting rooms were. She was trying to tell me as we walked along. So, instead of watching where I was going, I was trying to look to see where the fitting rooms were. Suddenly I tripped, failed at trying to catch myself, and ended up lying on the floor of TJ Maxx! Here I had not paid attention that the furniture I was walking around was sitting up on a platform about 4 in. off the floor, therefore even though there was no furniture at the corner, the platform was still there ready to pitch me to the floor. So, there I lay trying to get my brains back together, not sure how to respond. To make it even funnier, there was a guy sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the aisle, but facing away from us. I don’t know if he even turned at all when I went crashing to the ground right beside/behind him! It hurt so badly I really wanted to just lay there and recover, but considering it was in the middle of a busy store I figured that would be more embarrassing yet.  So I got up and hobbled along with my sister as she tried in vain to control her laughter. Once I got my breath back, we were both in hysterics over it. I really have not laughed that hard in a long time. I wonder what they would say if I asked for a copy of their security video? 😉 I really would love to see how it looked! There had to have been an interesting expression on my face! Let me know if you see a video online of me crashing to the floor of TJ Maxx! So, my word of wisdom to you this week: Shop with caution, lest you suddenly find yourself cast to the floor.

Prayer needed!

Hey, I know I have not been keeping up this fall, but I hope you will forgive me. Right now I would appreciate if y’all would pray that I could recover my email! This summer I opened a spam email and was afraid my account would be hacked so I changed my password and enabled 2-step verification. Well, I usually stay signed on, on my computer so I wasn’t using my password. Well, the other night I went and cleared my computer’s browsing history to try to help Google work better for me. Well, that cleared out my password and now I cannot get into my email on my computer. So pray that either I can remember my password or that the Google people would actually let me recover it! Thanks so much!!

Summer 2015

Wow! I did not realize how behind I was with my blog! Sorry folks for not staying up to date!

After school was out, Connie came to Colorado and then she and I went to Nevada to visit Kendra. We were in Nevada almost a week and had a great time! Then I went to Illinois with Connie where we loaded up all her stuff since she is not returning to Illinois this next school year. We got home (VA) the last weekend of May.

Some things I have been doing this summer include: a week at Music Camp, gardening and flowerbeds, swimming, catching up with friends, babysitting, and sewing.

I really enjoyed my time at Music Camp. I took 2 classes on Elementary Music Ed. They were taught by Wendy Good. I really enjoyed them. Also, meeting many new people and making new friends was a highlight as well as singing in Choir. Till the end of the week our Choir was starting to feel like a family. 🙂

I was privileged to have my friend Andrea from South Carolina at my place the week after music camp. I don’t remember what all we did. Went swimming one day. Another day we went out for breakfast and then went shopping. I made a haul at Bath and Body. My bill was $25 dollars and it said I saved $100. 🙂 Yay! I already started my Christmas shopping! 🙂

We kept the Horst children again this summer. For 2 weeks this time. I was at Music Camp the first week, but was still able to see them almost every day. We babysat them twice this week. The twins are at such a fun stage. I love listening to them talk. Today when Dad changed into his clothes for the chicken house, there was a patch on the front of his shirt and it was kinda the shape and color of a band aid. Jennifer asked, “What is the band aid on?” Dad told her it was a patch on his shirt. Later when the twins were playing I heard them saying, “I want a big band aid.” I told them, “No, you don’t.” They said, “But Arnie does.” I told them it was for the hole on his shirt and they didn’t want one. Then I heard one of them saying, “I ain’t Arnie.” They are so cute!

Another project I have been working on is changing my bedroom into the guest room. June’s room has been the guest room, but since I am hardly in Virginia it makes more sense for my room to be. So, we switched around a bunch of furniture. In the process, all my walls and the ceiling got cleaned as well as the furniture and the floor. I am still working at putting stuff on the walls in my room again and decorating. I kinda enjoy decorating and yet it doesn’t come so naturally that I can do it in a snap. It takes me awhile to look and think and decide where and how I want things.

Tomorrow we are church hostess, so we have been doing a lot of cleaning this week. We should do it all every week, but somehow it is easy to let some things slide.

Hopefully, I will eventually get some pictures from my summer on here! But I make no promises! I never know what the next day will bring forth!

Stop Being Rude to Single People

I am sharing this because I found it humorous, not because I feel people are rude to me. 😉 It is written in satire, just a warning if you read it. 😉 I am blessed with many friends in all walks of life and an amazing church family!

Shasta's Fog

So it’s like this. Living as a single person in a tightly-knit religious community is a total suck-fest. Our loving, supportive, tightly-knit Mennonite communities are beneficial only if you (1) have close family in the area, or (2) are married. If you lack either of these qualifications, or worse, lack BOTH, watch out for rude, thoughtless comments. My single friends and I frequently lament these comments, and I’m tired of my friends suffering in silence, so I give you this post: “CHURCH! Stop being rude to single people!” If you know a family-less, single person in your community, please read on so that you can learn how to stop being rude to single people!

1. You are rude when you don’t invite us over.
Thursday I ask you, married person, to hang out and you can’t because you have plans. Friday I see pictures all over Instagram of you and…

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